Archive for the ‘thug-like Lutherans’ Category

Truck stop Pizza Mogul Herman Cain’s proposed booty rules to combat Chinese hegemony

November 2, 2011

truck stop Pizza Mogul Herman Cain describing ideal booty width to height ratios in a speech on how to outbreed the chinamen

In a major foreign policy speech delivered yesterday entirely without the aid of teleprompters, truck stop Pizza Mogul Herman Cain for the first time revealed elements of his plans to deal with growing threats to the sanctity of our Dominion posed by the China menace.

Speeching before a spell-bound audience of unRacist Conservative Christian voters, truck stop Pizza Mogul said that “Anybody with common sense can understand that all we need to do to beat the Chinamen is to outgrow them.  Along with developing a greater nuclear weapon arsenal since they look to have some interest in acquiring nuclear weapons themselves.”

Truck stop Pizza Mogul Herman Cain then went on, presenting an outline of his Proposals to deal with the Chinamen threat.

The first element of the plan is to grow the economy to a level that matches the chinaman economy, from 1.5 to 6.5.  This is an obvious and not a particularly new solution, except for the fact that it seems to have completely escaped the attention of the current administration that is destroying our economy with taxes and a smothering regulatory burden, headed by the elitist Usurper Kenyan and his Keynesian Kaliphate.

The second element of the plan is more bold and audacious and involves a two pronged approach to outgrow the chinaman population.

The first approach involves an airtight ban on the murdering of little baby unborn boys and girls that now goes on in our state-sponsored Planned Parenthood abortion mills.  Nobody ever saw a rancher grow his herd by murdering all of his unborn baby boy and girl calves, so it don’t make no sense to do it to our human progenies either!?!?!  NO MORE ABORTION UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES because it is the Loving Christian thing to do, and because we are going to need all the progeny we can muster to defeat the chinaman.

The second approach is more t ambitious, but reveals the sort of completely fresh way of looking at difficult proplems that Conservative Christian voters are growing to admire about the token renegade negro.

Truck stop Pizza Mogul Herman Cain calls it his Billion Baby Booty (BBB) solution:

“Right now, there is about 1 billion more chinamen then there is US Americans.  If we stop killing 500 million unborn baby boys and girls each year while simply doubling the number of unborn baby girls and boys that we set about to make, we’ll have caught up to the chinamen.  We can do it in one year!  What I learned running truck stop pizza shops is the way you sell more pizza is to stop throwing away half the pizzas you cook, and then cook twice as many more!  Common sense!”

When asked by narrow-minded liberal MSM reporters how he would convince more women to get pregnant, truck stop Pizza Mogul Herman Cain had this to say:

“Our women, frankly, need to become more attractive to better provoke their men into the Relations Desire.  It is a scientific fact that we don’t produce enough US American babies these days because menfolk are tired after the come home from their hard jobs, and they become uninterested in sharing their seed with the womenfolk, especially if the womenfolk don’t have the Bedroom Eyes.  In part, this has to do with the scientific fact that our women folk need to be a lot more attractive for our menfolk.

My administration will derive new regulations for female attractiveness standards; things like weight, hairdo, makeup and dress standards.  For example, (holding his hands apart less then chest width) our regulations will call for a booty sizes no larger than just so, and will require women to hold special permits to have booty sizes just this big (holding his arms outstretched).  But these are not hard and fast rules (laughs), no pun intended. Although I don’t personally like mine too large, we understand that men differ in their Booty Predilections, and they will be able to obtain waiver affidavits if they prefer larger bitches, on a case-by-case basis.”

Responding to concerns about the effect of new job-killing regulations on the economy, truck stop Pizza Mogul indicated for every new job-killing regulation his administration imposes as part of the Billion Baby Booty campaign, they would roll back other regulations in compensation:

“For example, we would enact a federal ban of adultery laws on the basis of national emergency.  If we hope to catch up with the chinamen, we can’t have our menfolk who are doing their part by getting a little strange on the side to be worried that their wives back home might sue them for adultery.  Again, this is something that just makes common sense.”

Indeed, it does.

Although there is much to like about these Conservative Christian common sense solutions that truck stop Pizza Mogul Herman Cain proposes, his candidacy still poses major problems for the Dominionist Party.  Most significant among these is his Heritage Problem.

Still, WE ARE NOT RACISTS and there is nothing to stop a Rep Tom Tancredo administration from adopting some of these solutions, whether or not credit is owed to truck stop Pizza Mogul for having the idea in the first place.

Truck stop pizza mogul Herman Cain’s subliminal call for plantation uprising

October 26, 2011

God has always felt that there is something not quite right about truck stop Pizza Mogul Herman Cain, but He hasn’t quite been able to put his finger on it.

In a shocking “campaign” video, his first, truck stop pizza mogul Herman Cain finally reveals his Demonically Inspired Plans.

Everybody who has seen this video comes away deeply disturbed, but are not at all certain what message truck stop Pizza Mogul is trying to convey.

“Mark Block here.  Since January I’ve had the privilege of being the chief of staff to Herman Cain.  And the Chief Operating Officer of the Friends of Herman Cain.  Tomorrow is one day closer to the White House.  I really believe  that Herman Cain will put United back in the United States of America.  And if I didn’t believe that I wouldn’t be here.   We’ve run a campaign like nobody has ever seen.  But then, America has never seen a candidate like Herman Cain.  We need you to get involved because together we can do this, we can take this country back. ”

(puffs on cigaratee….music begins as Jezebel sings….”I am America, One Voice, United We Stand, I am America, One Hope, to Heal our Land!”…. image of truck stop Pizza Mogul Herman Cain gives the camera a slow demonic smile)

Here is the literal translation of the message, in which I used the Yahoo! Babal generator to translate it to Chinese, then to Russian, then to Dutch and then back to English.

“The block-system of the sign here. Of I’ – GO January; because ve have a privilege commander victoriously give the Herman. Because Herman triumphant friend’ the maintenance s takes away critical party. There will be tomorrow to the White House of approximately one day. Because I believe that Herman invest victoriously really in the V.S. you will link. And, as I didn’ t believes I wouldn’ t here. We’ As nobody she saw, then ve critical were conduct a campaign. Of the other side, but the V.S. opinions victoriously never consider as Herman because of selected that. We you must include, because we can make this together, we can this country approve.”

These words taken together with the other imagery in the video..the Jezebel music, the burning cigarette, the untrustworthy grinning negro, provide us a message that is clearly obvious:  Truck stop Pizza Mogul Herman Cain is a messenger sent here by an ancient extrasolar civilization intending to achieve World Domination.

Truck stop Pizza Mogul Herman Cain is calling about his Sleeper Agents (who are the roaming packs of mexican rape squads currently populating our Sanctuary Cities) to initiate their Alien Impregnation Campaign in which his species will deposit eggs via ocular copulation with both male and female human subjects.

They transfer their eggs into us humans by staring into our eyeballs and then grinning at us!! Following an appropriate gestation period in which their progeny grow and develop inside our brains, they will enter the world via explosive parturition in which the host organism (you and me) dies.

At the present time, there is no way of knowing who among us represent their species, other than truck stop Pizza Mogul Herman Cain.  Until further notice, Do NOT Look into the eyeballs of grinning negroes or any mexicans, grinning or otherewise!

This is an EXTREMELY URGENT POST!

 

Death threats force Jesus to cancel Last Supper

February 7, 2011

Liberal Elitists seek to Crucify xGov Mother Sarah Palin

No!  Of course this did not happen.  You have to be pretty stupid to think The Bible has an error!

But that is the first thought that comes to my mind when I hear that xGov Mother Sarah Palin is forced to cancel yet another public appearance when threats of a highly credible nature are made upon her life.

In this instance, she has been forced to cancel an important charity fundraising event for Our Troops, who are sacrificing so much for our Dominion while deployed in harms way, fighting to preserve our way of life from the savage threats of muslims.  The least we could do to thank them for their sacrifice is to hold a Charity Fundraiser in their honor, and raise money in their names.  But threats from violent liberals and democratic party operatives and their mainstream media collaborators make this too dangerous of an event for her to attend.  And who benefits from the cancellation of this benefit?  The terrorists. Coincidence?

But, one does wonder does he not?  The often violent disrespect shown to xGov Mother Sarah Palin by a loose cabal of elite liberal mobsters suggests that Jesus very well might have canceled the Last Supper had he been subjected to their cynical brand of democratic party partisianship mind control that xGov Mother Sarah Palin endures on a daily basis.

As  history proves, and as verified by authentic Biblical Witnesses,  Jesus did not cancel the Last Supper.  We’ll never know whether he failed to act on good advice or bad, but we do know that as a direct consequence of holding His Last Supper, He was bushwhacked by a traitorous apostle. We now know that Judas was a greedy and despicable  Jew/Arab hybrid in possession of an  unquenchable thirst for power and a weakness for the Roman Denarius.  As a result of the Judasian Betrayal, Jesus ended up sacrificing His Body to a rendition and torture of such a horrible nature, we dare not even use such methods on terrorists we have captured in the recent muslim wars, even though they fully deserve it.

To be sure, because Jesus failed to cancel the Last Supper, the Sins of Christians are now purged of all Godly memory, and the Chosen among us are invited to walk in the bosom of God in Heaven for an eternity, after this meaningless corporeal existence of ours has ended.

The Christian Soul would have met a very different fate over the last 2000 year had Jesus instead been alerted to the same sorts of threats xGovMother Sarah Palin gets on a daily basis.  The prophesies would have gone unfulfilled, and we would have had to wait for another Messiah, and probably not a one as handsome as was Jesus the Christ owing to the miscegenation of Galilee since His time!

Fortunately, xGov Mother Sarah Palin escapes the fate of Jesus because she has a number of early warning detection systems that alert her to the threats lobbed at her from demon-inspired Obama-backing secularists.  She uses the intertwitter, Fair and Balanced Fox News, the interUTubes, her Facebookalytes, and so on to alert her when it is unsafe to render speeches.  Jesus’ fate was sealed because he did not have these tools.

When she cancels her speaking engagements, xGov Mother Sarah Palin does so only because Her time of the Ultimate Sacrifice is not upon us. Until that time comes, perhaps at some point after Trig is weaned from her bosom, a time which is between her and God, she (along with Rep Tom Tancredo) will remain His greatest gift to us, just as His Son Jesus was in His Greatest Gift to Us back in the Day.

Great Moments in Deficit Reduction: Moving from an all-volunteer to an all-slave armed forces

November 6, 2010

Illegal mexican bandito immigrant smiles eagerly after being offered an opportunity to wage war against muslims

With their out-of-control spending, the demonrats have destroyed our Christian Way of Life.  Fortunately, we have just elected a Christian Conservative Congress in a nick of time, and the Salvation of our Dominion remains a possibility.

The first objective of these Sacred Congressmen is to achieve a balanced budget by enacting massive economy-stimulating tax cuts.  They will also need to make some very difficult budget cutting decisions.  The Christian Conservative Congress also needs to deal with the illegal immigrant menace that has polluted our Great Nation and threatens the sanctity of our Chaste Women Resources.

In my Holy Night Time Visions last night, God has informed me that He has just come up with a Perfect Solution: An All-Slave army.

Currently, the military personnel costs to our Dominion Taxpayers are over $250 billion dollars annually.  Beyond the obvious fact that Dominion Taxpayers know how to spend their own personal $250 billion dollars far better than the govt, what are we taxpayers actually getting for that expense?  Well, since we are only killing ~2000 muslims each year, each dead muslim is costing us anywhere between $50-$100 million.

To reduce the per muslim killed cost, we can either start killing more muslims (which is obviously what we all would prefer to achieve) or we can reduce our personnel costs.

Or we can do both, which is the beauty of God’s Slave Army Initiative!

So God proposes that we round up all the illegal aliens and make them our soldiers.  This would allow us to cut back dramatically on the personnel costs of keeping US Christian American soldiers in harms way and on the Department of Defense payroll, and allow them to retire and return to their loving, supportive Christian families with whom they can finish their lives sharing a peaceful and dignified agrarian existence to heal the wounds caused by the horrific muslim atrocities they witnessed in wartime.

The illegal immigrants who replace our Christian American Soldiers will be instructed on how to kill muslims, but will not be paid for their services because they are foreign criminals without Constitutional Rights and therefore have NO LIBERTIES to be deprived of.  Including the right to being paid a wage for their soldiering. And they will not mind not being paid for their services because they are motivated far more by mayhem and carnage than by economic aspirations.

But, and here is the beauty of God’s Plan, rather than running about our streets in roaming packs terrorizing peaceful Americans and eroding Our Christian Culture, they will be shipped over and let loose in muslim lands to practice their blood thirsty ways.  They will show no mercy BECAUSE their Souls are dark, empty wastelands bereft of any human decency, and will therefore prove to be far more effective muslim-killing machines than our great US Christian Soldiers, who as I already mentioned, are pretty darn good at $100 million per sheik head.

You might be asking, “But Rev Hipple, what will we do with all these illegal immigrant conscripts when the war is over?”

What a stupid question!  If our Conservative Christian Congress is who we think we elected, the War againsts muslims will never end!  And if they don’t understand that, we will keep on electing Conservative Christian Congresses until we get one that never ends the war.  Obviously!

This is a win-win-win net-net situation and I urge you to prayerfully ask God to show His new Christian Congress the Way.

 

What to accomplish in 1st 100 Days of Christian Conservative Congressional Mandate

November 2, 2010

Christians quietly gather to celebrate the Fall of Tyranny on the night of Nov 2, 2010 AD

  • No Compromises!
  • Preserve our Constitution by Rolling Back all Constitutional Amendments that are inconsistent with Jeffersonian Constitutionalism
  • Finish Southern border fortifications and initiate Effective Mine Field Deterrent program; send shots across the bow of all Canadian ships to remind them we have NOT forgotten about them, too.
  • Authorize the gitmoization of Enemies of the State, beginning with recently deposed democrat congress critters, and anybody affiliated with or suspected affiliators of MSNBC
  • Put the “J” back in Jesus by deporting all individuals who pronounce their name as, “Hey!  Zeus!!”
  • (Pass a Constitutional Amendment outlawing the use of any language other than American English in commerce and in schools)
  • Rehabilitate Gov Rep Tom Tancredo
  • Stop ALL wasteful govt spending
  • Impeach!!!
  • Round up, inter and deport ALL Illegal Aliens, including Anchor babies and let their govt, the UN, deal with the legal repercussions
  • No Compromises!!
  • Criminalize gay homosexuality
  • Stop all govt activity until Price Water House & Cooper can complete a full audit of every last govt program
  • Marbleize and then Enshrine the Bush Tax Cuts!
  • President Gov Ronald Reagan!!!
  • Spread shoot-to-kill orders throughout our borders and in all immigration services outposts
  • Accept islam as a Public Health Problem:  Establish the Muslim-Free Zone/Death Cult Control program based upon scientifically established immunization “herd protection” principles
  • Operate a limited, one time only “Amnesty for Libs” campaign—ha!ha! j/k!  lol!! rickrolled!!!!
  • Close all Universities and public radio stations that slurp from the troth of public govt handout welfare!
  • Immediately Unseparate the separation of Church and state to allow Common Sense prayers in schools!
  • Roll back tariffs on lubricants!
  • Have this ALL accomplished in time for the next Birthday of Little Baby Jesus
  • Outlaw evolution in all forms and disguises
  • Establish the Department of Social Media and install as its first Secretary xGov Mother Sarah Palin
  • Force Immigration Compliance by ending all Federal Tax subsidies paid out to sanctuary cities
  • Apply a full out nuclear-tipped missle surgical assault to end the Iranian Weapons of Mass Destruction program once and for all
  • Enforce Constitutional provisions that require Presidents of the USA to be Natural Born Citizens
  • Impeach!!!!!

How to spot a muslim

October 26, 2010

Muslim dressed in traditional muslim warrior garb

As I’m sure you all know, the intergoogles are all atwitter lately over how a  socialist marxist radio station that exists only to serve as the propaganda arm of the elitist demoncrat party (NPR)  yet depends 100% upon govt handouts for its operations has just FIRED an extremely reasonable (although racially flawed) member of the commentariat.

This persecuted commentarian was fired merely because he expressed a completely rational fear of being on a jet airliner plane when it is boarded by muslims flouting their muslimhoodedness by wearing traditional muslim clothing, smack in the faces of horrified Chrisitians and other innocent potential terror victims.

Commentariate Member and mexican/negro half breed Juan Williams, who plays a Reasonable Conservative Christian on the NPR, while at the same time playing a Persecuted liberal Token Negro (Teagro) on the Fair and Balanced FOX News, expressed these extremely thoughtful remarks in an interview:

But when I get on the plane, I got to tell you, if I see people who are in Muslim garb and I think, you know, they are identifying themselves first and foremost as Muslims, I get worried. I get nervous.”

Of course he gets nervous!  Muslim is more like a death cult than like a religion.  Muslims who expect to “meet Allah” at any second wear traditional muslim garb because they mistakenly think that will purify their souls and don’t realize that the only pathway to a Purified Soul is by accepting Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior.

Still, how would you feel if a member of a known death cult stepped onto an air jet liner moments before the door is closed, it pushes back from the gate and begins to taxi down the runway.  Typically, they closes their eyes and then begin to quietly whisper chants, asking their Demon to strengthen them before they push the button and blow up the whole lot!   It is perfectly natural to panic if you ever find yourself in such a situation.

But, unfortunately, things are much worse than this.  We now know that homicidal muslims  camouflage themselves in all manner of “normal” looking attire underneath their suicide vests, so as to blend in and not be noticed.

Fortunately, Conservative Christians throughout the intergoogles are now publishing helpful field guides that can be used to spot muslims.  We must all remain on high alert for these criminals, and continue to Pray for the Deliverance of Rep Tom Tancredo as our Elected President, who will protect us from muslims by slamming the borders tighter than a hermetically sealed pickled yam jar!

Dream Act Banditos: Obamas mercenary protectorate guard

September 23, 2010

An obviously gay homosexual Swiss Guardsman use demonic magic and subversive mind control methods to subdue and destroy papal enemies

As if stealing from playbooks written by Marx, Lenin and Hitler weren’t enough, it looks like the kenyan konstitutional usurper is going to steal another play, but this time from the  playbook of the papist’s pope.

What the illegitimate president Obama hopes to achieve through this theft is a template to create a military vanguard for his own personal use, the equivalent of a Hugo Chavezian protectorate!  An American band of mercenaries modeled upon “The Swiss Guard” who are beholden to Obama’s every whim and desire and evil machination.

Most Christians are not aware that the Chief Idolator, the pope, surrounds himself with a cult of elitist homosexual euro/demon-ninja concubines called “The Swiss Guard.”   “The Swiss Guard” are mercenaries, which proves to us their gay homosexual proclivities, who are handsomely compensated to protect the pope.

They do so by deploying a variety of cunning defensive and offensive capabilities, ranging from mastery of pagan hand-to-hand combat, to expertise in high caliber weapons marksmenship and mine field deployment, to cyberwarfare and an array of demonic-based mind-control tactics.

You might ask yourself, “All I did was ask the intergoogle to tell me about the DREAM Act, what does this have to do with the DREAM Act?”

The DREAM Act is a piece of hobama legislation principally designed to pander to the coloreds vote, especially the light brown coloreds, and to drive a wedge between them and common sense Christian American voters.  This is because the DREAM Act as a paved road towards US citizenship for illegal mexicans who have infiltrated our borders. Rather than round them up and ship them back in cattle cars to their own burn God Foresaken land, Obama plans to pass out US Citizenship to these criminals like Christmas Candy, which will make them his lifelong voters.

That is what they want you to believe.

What is hidden in the fine print is this: The DREAM Act will pass out a US American Citizenship Card willy nilly to any Juan, Pedro or Ricardo that wanders along, just as if they were free passes to the FFA carcass hog contest.  And the more evil and nefarious and criminally-minded Juan, Pedro or Ricardo, the better.

Because all that Juan, Pedro and Ricardo have to agree to do is to sign on to serve four year hitches as highly-paid mercenaries, loyal only to the usurper who is now occupying the White House, and to no other person or entity.  In exchange for citizenship, they agree to be programmed to bid his every wish and desire, from late night runs to round up K-street tramps and wenches for impromptu West Wing orgy festivals, to conducting cross-Potomac raids on the Pentagon, to engage in search and destroy skirmishes against our brave Armed Forces stationed there.

Obama will also order these Dream Act Banditos to round up and imprison those he suspects of seditious acts including all Christians, all Conservatives, and anybody known to be or to have supported Republican or Republican Tea PartyCandidates in deed or in thought.

The only way we can stop this from happening is to prevent the DREAM Act from becoming law, which means we MUST elect a Conservative Christian Congress, as they are the only people willing to stand up to the kenyan usurper and his nigerian cronies.

Just a Quick thought: Can Slavery solve our immigration crisis?

September 14, 2010

Screen depictions such as this of hard working, self-motivated slaves overstate their work ethic. Especially for mexicans.

The more I pray to God for Guidance about it, the more convinced I become that reinstituting slavery for mexicans can be the most effective deterrent weapon we have in our anti-immigration crisis arsenal.

Perhaps a better weapon than the effective border dog and border mine field programs instituted under the loving presidency of Gov Pres George W Bush.

You see, I have repeatedly asked the intergoogles the following question, and have yet to get an answer because there probably ain’t none:

What is the name of a single negro buck who snuck across our borders and into Our Dominion prior to when the 13th Amendment was passed?

Besides our Beautiful White Christian Women, the only thing that attracts the mexican to Our Dominion is compensated work. But nobody except God and I are thinking about what would happen if we didn’t compensate them?  Because they are lazy and shiftless, they certainly wouldn’t work as hard.

If we ever want this festering flood to ever stop, then what we need is for our government to get off the backs of the Free Enterprisers  and allow them to use mexican slaves in their small businesses as they see fit.

It seems to me that all we need is the political will to enslave illegal aliens.  Fortunately, we have several emerging leaders sweeping into government office who are sympathetic to they idea of using an effective slavery deterrent in the War on our Borders and that day is coming soon!

Christians don’t discriminate what sacred texts we burn!

September 7, 2010

Sometimes there are so many perverted versions of a Bible it is more cost-effective to burn the entire church down.

Just like how they blew the euro-cartoon story completely out of proportion, you can count on the mooselums to over react when they hear a Christian Minister’s plan to celebrate 9/11 this year by burning the koran.

And of course the liberal mainstream media won’t do its job and dig deeper into the story.  They will typically make the Christian Minister out to be the bad guy, and they will have the mooselum as the persecuted.  Rouge elements within the kenyan kaliphates administration have already begun drumming up sympathy for the mooselums and rage against the Christians.  We’ll just have to wait for Fair and Balanced Fox News to get the story right, eventually.

Or you can read about it from an Award Winning Interblogger.

And here is the truth:  Christians who burn the koran are out there burning Bibles too.  All the time.  We don’t descriminate just against the koran.  Our policy is to burn any perverted sacred text, especially if it is known or suspected to be tainted by the Demon.

Obviously, nobody will not recognize that the koran fits that bill.

But not many others will realize that there are an aweful lot of perverted Bibles out there.  You see, nobody in their right mind would ever take the words of Shakespeare or the Founding Fathers and rewrite them, right?  We’d all look at somebody who did that and call them crazy.

Well, it is not just crazy to rewrite the Bible to, but it is also downright Diabolical and you would NOT be wrong to suspect that a rewritten Bible is the Craftwork of the Demon, because that is precisely how the Demon Erodes our Love of God.    By rewriting His Word!

And so we need to be very careful in protecting His word and in doing that we have to root out all unapproved and unChristian revisions of the Bible.

I not only support the burning of the koran, but I also support the burning of the following Bible versions (conveniently arranged by year of publication) since all are perversions of the King James Version.  And bear in mind, these are just the English versions.  Don’t get me started on foreign perversions of His Word:

1653 A Paraphrase, and Annotations Upon all the Books of the New Testament; Henry Hammond.
1657 The Dutch Annotations upon the whole Bible; Theodore Haak.
1685 New Testament with a paraphrase and notes; Richard Baxter.
1690 The Holy Bible; Samuel Clarke.
1703 Paraphrase and Commentary on the New Testament; Daniel Whitby.
1718 The New Testament; Cornelius Nary.
1724 The Common translation corrected, with a paraphrase and notes (NT); Edward Wells.
1729 The New Testament in Greek and English; Daniel Mace.
1730 Annotations on the New Testament of Jesus Christ; Robert Witham.
1730 The New Testament; William Webster.
1745 Primitive New Testament; William Whiston.
1752 Exposition of the New Testament in the form of a Paraphrase; John Guyse.
1755 Explanatory Notes on the New Testament; John Wesley.
1756 Family Expositor, or, a Paraphrase and Version of the New Testament; Philip Doddridge.
1761 An Interpretation of the New Testament; John Heylin.
1764 A new and literal translation of all the books of the Old and New Testament; Anthony Purver.
1764 The New Testament: carefully collated with the Greek, and corrected; Richard Wynne.
1765 A New Translation of the New Testament; Samuel Palmer.
1765 Explanatory Notes upon the Old Testament; John Wesley.
1768 A Liberal Translation of the New Testament; Edward Harwood.
1770 The New Testament or New Covenant of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ; John Worsley.
1773 The Universal Family Bible; Henry Southwell.
1774 The Old Testament; Anselm Bayly.
1778 The Bible in Verse; John Fellows.
1791 A Translation of the New Testament; Gilbert Wakefield.
1795 A Translation of the New Testament from the original Greek; Thomas Haweis.
1795 The New Testament; Samuel Clarke and Thomas Pyle.
1796 The New Testament; William Newcome.
1798 A Translation of the New Testament from the Original Greek; Nathaniel Scarlett.
1799 A Revised Translation and Interpretation of the Sacred Scriptures; J.M. Ray.
1808 The Holy Bible containing The Old and New Covenant; Charles Thomson.
1808 The New Testament, in an improved version; Thomas Belsham.
1812 A modern, correct, and close translation of the New Testament; William Williams.
1816 The New Testament; William Thomson.
1817 A new family Bible, and improved version; Benjamin Boothroyd.
1822 The Holy Bible, Hebrew and English (OT); A. Alexander.
1823 The New Testament; Abner Kneeland.
1824 Revised Testament (NT); John Wilkins
1824 The Holy Bible; J. Watson.
1826 The Sacred Writings of the Apostles and Evangelists of Jesus Christ (NT); Alexander Campbell.
1828 The Gospel of God’s Anointed (NT); Alexander Greaves.
1828 The New Testament in the Common Version; John Palfrey.
1833 The Holy Bible; Noah Webster.
1833 A New and Corrected Version of the New Testament Rodolphus Dickinson.
1834 The Holy Bible; George Townsend.
1835 The Holy Writings of the First Christians (NT) J.M. Caldecott.
1836 The Book of the New Covenant (NT); Granville Penn.
1840 The New Testament; Edgar Taylor.
1841 The Holy Bible; J.T. Conquest.
1842 The Holy Bible; A.C Kendrick (NT).
1844 The Holy Bible, T J Hussey.
1844 The Septuagint version of the Old Testament; Lancelot Brenton.
1848 The New Testament; Jonathan Morgan.
1849 The New Testament; J.W. Etheridge.
1849 The Good News of Our Lord Jesus, the Anointed; Nathan Wbiting.
1850 The New Testament; Spencer Cone and William Wyckoff.
1851 The New Testament; James Murdock.
1852 An Exposition of the New Testament; Hezekiah Woo¬druff.
1853 The Twenty-Four Books of the Holy Scriptures (OT); Isaac Leeser.
1854 The Emphatic New Testament; John Taylor.
1857 The New Testament; John Bengel.
1857 The New Testament; J.A. Giles.
1858 The New Testament, Translated from the Original Greek; Leicester Sawyer
1858 The Old Testament Scriptures; Alexander Vance.
1860 The Holy Bible; Francis Kenrick.
1861 Jewish School and Family Bible (OT); A. Benisch.
1861 The New Testament; Leonard Thorn.
1862 The Holy Scriptures of the Old Covenant (OT).
1862 A Revised Translation of the New Testament; H. Highton.
1863 The Holy Bible; Robert Young.
1864 An English Version of the New Testament; Herman Heinfetter.
1864 American Bible Union Version (NT).
1864 The Emphatic Diaglott (NT); Benjamin Wilson.
1864 The New Testament; Henry Anderson.
1865 The Holy Bible; Samuel Sharpe.
1865 The Twofold New Testament; Thomas Green.
1867 The Holy Scriptures; Joseph Smith.
1869 The New Testament: Authorized Version Revised; Henry Alford.
1869 The New Testament; George Noyes.
1869 The New Testament; Robert Ainslie.
1870 The Holy Bible; F.W. Gotch (OT), GA. Jacob (NT).
1870 The New Testament translated from the purest Greek; J. Bowes.
1873 The School and Children’s Bible.
1873 The Story of the Bible; Charles Foster.
1875 The New Testament; John McClellan.
1875 The New Testament; Samuel Davidson.
1876 The Holy Bible; Julia Smith.
1877 Revised English Bible.
1877 The New Testament; John Richter.
1880 The Holy Bible (OT); Hermann Gollancz.
1881 Revised Version.
1881 Jewish Family Bible (OT); Michael Friedlander.
1881 The New Testament Englished; William Crickmer.
1883 The New Testament; Cortes Jackson.
1884 The Englishman’s Bible; Thomas Newberry.
1885 The Teaching and Acts of Jesus of Nazareth and His Apostles (NT); W.D. Dillard.
1885 The New Covenant (NT); John Hanson.
1885 A New Translation; John Darby.
1885 A translation of the Old Testament Scriptures from the original Hebrew; Helen Spurrell.
1893 Scriptures, Hebrew and Christian; John Peters and Edward Bartlett.
1892 Biblia Innocentium; John Mackail.
1897 The New Testament Emphasized; Horace Morrow.
1897 The New Dispensation (NT); Robert Weekes.
1898 American Revised Version.
1898 The Woman’s Bible.
1901 The Historical New Testament, James Moffatt.
1901 American Standard Version
1901 The Modem American Bible; Frank Ballentine
1902 Translation of the New Testament from the Original Greek; W.B. Godbey.
1902 The Testament of our Lord (NT); James Cooper and A.J. MacLean.
1902 Twentieth Century New Testament.
1902 The Emphasized Bible; Joseph Rotherham.
1903 The Holy Bible: Marginal Readings Adopted.
1903 The New Testament in Modern Speech; Richard Wey¬mouth.
1903 The Holy Bible in Modern English; Ferrar Fenton.
1904 The Corrected English New Testament; Samuel Lloyd.
1904 The New Testament Revised and Translated; Adolphus Worrell.
1906 The New Testament; Thomas Lindsay.
1907 The Modern Reader’s Bible; Richard Moulton.
1908 The Holy Bible for Daily Reading; J.W. Genders.
1909 The University New Testament; S. Townsend Weaver.
1909 The Shorter Bible.
1909 The Bible in Modem English (NT); Frank Ballentine
1910 The Restored New Testament; James Pryse.
1911 The 1911 Tercentenary Commemoration Bible.
1912 The Holy Bible: An Improved Edition.
1913 The Literary Man’s New Testament, W.L. Courtney.
1913 The New Testament; Edward Clarke.
1914 The New Covenant (NT); Edward Cunnington.
1914 The New Testament from the Greek text as established by Bible Numerics; Ivan Panin.
1916 The Historical Bible; Charles Kent.
1916 The Twenty-Four Books of the Old Testament; Alexander Harkavy.
1917 The Holy Scriptures According to the Masoretic Text (OT).
1918 The New Testament; Henry Anderson.
19l9 The Messages of the Bible; Frank Sanders and Charles Kent.
1919 The Adelphi New Testament; E.E. Cunnington.
1921 A Plain Translation of the New Testament; By a student.
1921 The Shorter Bible.
1922 The Children’s Bible; Henry Sherman and Charles Kent.
1922 A Plainer Bible (NT); Frank Ballentine.
1923 Simplified New Testament; D.A. Sommer.
1923 The Riverside New Testament; William Ballantine.
1924 Centenary Translation of the New Testament; Helen Montgomery.
1924 The Everyday Bible; Charles Sheldon.
1924 The Older Children’s Bible.
1924 The New Covenant: Labor Determinative Version (NT).
1925 The People’s New Covenant (NT); Arthur Overbury.
1926 The Holy Bible: A New Translation (NT); James Moffatt.
1926 Concordant Version (NT); A.E. Knoch.
1926 The Western New Testament; E.E. Cunningtan.
1927 The Student’s Old Testament; Charles Kent.
1928 The Student’s Greek Testament; A. Hamilton.
1928 The Christian’s Bible: New Testament; George LeFevre.
1928 The Living Bible; Bolton Hall.
1928 The Authentic Literature of Israel (CT); Elizabeth Czarnomska.
1928 The Cambridge Shorter Bible.
1929 The New Testament in blank verse; George Wolff
1929 A Homiletical and Exegetical Version of the Bible; Charles MacLean.
1931 The Complete Bible: An American Translation; J.M. Smith and Edgar Goodspeed.
1933 Short Bible; J.M. Smith and Edgar Goodspeed.
1934 The Documents of the New Testament; G.W. Wade.
1934 Old Testament in Colloquial English.
1934 The Child’s Story Bible; Catherine Vos.
1935 The Westminster Version of the Sacred Scriptures (NT)
1935 The New Testament; Fernand Faivre.
1936 The West China Union University Version (NT).
1936 The Aldine Bible: The New Testament; M.R. James and Delia Lyttelton.
1936 The Bible Designed to be Read as Living Literature; Ernest Bates.
1937 The New Testament in the Language of the People; Charles B. Williams.
1937 The New Testament of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ; Francis Spencer.
1937 The New Testament critically reconstructed and retranslated; William Martin.
1937 The New Testament A New Translation and Explanation; Johannes Greber.
1938 The Book of Books (NT); R. Mercer Wilson.
1938 The New Testament: A Translation; Clementson.
1939 The Book of Life (NT); Zed Copp.
1939 The New Testament Shortened; W.K. Clarke.
1940 The Bible (A Condensed Version); Howard Welsch.
1941 The Confraternity Version (NT).
1945 New Testament: A Translation, Harmony and Annota¬tions; Erwin Stringfellow.
1946 Pathways through the Bible (OT); Mortimer Cohen.
1947 The New Testament; George Swann.
1948 The Holy Bible Adapted for Young Christians.
1948 The Letchworth Version in Modern English; T.F. Ford and RE. Ford.
1949 The Bible in Basic English.
1950 The New Testament of our Messiah and Saviour Yahshua, A.B. Traina.
1950 The Dartmouth Bible.
1950 The Holy Bible for Young Readers (NT); J.W. Mackail.
1951 The Authentic Version (NT).
1951 Bible in Brief; Peter Ross.
1951 The Shorter Oxford Bible.
1951 The New Testament in Modern English Olaf Norlie.
1952 The New Testament: A New Translation in Plain English. Charles K. Williams.
1952 Olive Pell Bible; Olive Bible.
1952 The Living Bible; Robert Ballou.
1952 Revised Standard Version.
1953 The New Testament: A New, Independent, Individual Translation; George Moore.
1954 The New Testament Rendered From the Original Greek; James Kleist and Joseph Lilly.
1954 The New Testament in Cadenced Form; Morton Bradley.
1954 The Septuagint Bible (OT); C.A. Muses.
1955 The Authentic New Testament; Hugh Schonfield.
1955 The Holy Bible: A Translation from the Latin Vulgate; Ronald Knox.
1955 The Compact Bible; Margaret Nicholson.
1955 The Clarified New Testament; P.G. Parker.
1956 The Bible for Family Reading; Joseph Gaer and Chester McCown.
1957 The Holy Bible from Ancient Manuscripts; George Lamsa.
1958 The New Testament of our Lord and Savior Jesus Anointed; James Tomanek.
1958 A Beginner’s Bible; Margherita Fanchiotti.
1958 The New Testament in Modern English; J.B. Phillips.
1958 The Self-Interpreting; Ashley Johnson.
1959 The Holy Bible: The Berkeley Version in Modern English; Gerrit Verkuyl.
1960 The Children’s King James Bible: New Testament; Jay Green.
1960 A Critical Emphatic Paraphrase of the New Testament; Vincent Roth.
1961 The New Testament of Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ; Fan Noli.
1961 New World Translation.
1961 The New Testament: An Expanded Translation; Kenneth Wuest.
1961 The Jesus People New Testament; Olaf Norlie.
1961 Simplified New Testament in Plain English; Olaf Norlie.
1962 Teen-age Version; Jay Green.
1962 Modem King James Version; Jay Green.
1962 The Children’s Version of the Holy Bible; Jay Green.
1963 The Holy Name Bible; A.B. Traina.
1963 The New Testament in the Language of Today; William Beck.
1965 The Amplified Bible.
1966 Jerusalem Bible.
1966 The Bible in Simplified English.
1966 The Living Scriptures; Jay Green.
1967 Bible for Young Christians (NT); AM. Cocaqnac and Rosemary Haughton.
1967 New World: The Heart of the New Testament in Plain English; Alan Dale.
1967 New Scofleld Reference Bible.
1967 The Christ Emphasis New Testament; Edward Craddock.
1969 The New Testament: A New Translation; William Barclay.
1969 The Children’s New Testament; Gleason Ledyard.
1969 Modern Language Bible; Gerrit Verkuyl.
1969 The Bible Reader.
1970 New American Bible.
1970 King James II Version; Jay Green.
1970 New Testament in Shorter Form.
1970 New English Bible.
1970 The Restoration of Original Sacred Name Bible.
1971 New American Standard Bible.
1971 The Living Bible; Kenneth Taylor.
1972 The New Testament in Modem English; J.B Phillips.
1972 The Bible in Living English; Steven Byington.
1973 A Child’s Bible; Anne Edwards and Shirley Steen.
1973 The Translator’s New Testament.
1973 Cotton Patch Version (NT); Clarence Jordan.
1973 Common Bible.
1973 The Better Version of the New Testament; Chester Estes.
1974 The New Testament in Everyday English; Do Klingen¬smith.
1975 The Word Made Fresh; Andrew Edington.
1976 An American Translation; William Beck.
1976 The Concise Jewish Bible (OT); Philip Birnbaum.
1976 Good News Bible.
1977 The Jerusalem Bible (OT); Harold Fisch.
1977 The Christian Counselor’s New Testament; Jay Adams.
1977 The Holy Bible for Children; Allan Johsmann.
1978 Holy Name Bible.
1978 New International Version.
1978 Simple English Bible (NT).
1979 The New Testament in Everyday English; Jay Adams.
1980 The Distilled Bible: New Testament; Roy Greenhill.
1981 The Sacred Scriptures.
1981 The Compact Bible (NT); Pat Excel.
1982 The Readers Digest Bible.
1982 The New Testament; Richard Lattimore.
1982 New King James Version.
1984 The New Accurate Translation (NT); Julian Anderson.
1985 Tanakh: The Holy Scriptures (OT).
1985 The Recovery Version (NT).
1985 New Jerusalem Bible.
1985 Original New Testament; Hugh Schonfield.
1986 International Children’s Bible.
1986 New Life Version; Gleason Ledyard.
1987 Easy to Read Version.
1987 A Literal Translation of the Bible; Jay Green.
1987 English Version for Deaf.
1987 New Century Version.
1988 Revised New Testament: New American Bible.
1988 New Evangelical Translation.
1988 Christian Community Bible.
1988 The New Testament; Hugo McCord
1989 God’s New Covenant (NT); Heinz Cassirer.
1989 New Revised Standard Version.
1989 Jewish New Testament; David Stern.
1989 Revised English Bible.
1990 The New Translation (NT).
1990 Simplified Living Bible.
1990 Modern King James Version; Jay Green.
1991 21st Century King James Version (NT).
1991 Contemporary English Version (NT).

1994 The Clear Word Bible (Jack J. Blanco) paraphrase
1994 21st Century King James Version
1995 Contemporary English Version (CEV)
1996 ArtScroll Tanakh
1996 New International Reader’s Version (NIrV )
1996 New International Version Inclusive Language Edition (NIVI)
1999 American King James Version (Michael Peter (Stone) Engelbrite)
2000 King James 2000 Version (KJ2000) (Robert A. Couric)
2001 Easy Reading Edition Sword Bible KJV
2001 Analytical-Literal Translation Modern English (Gary F. Zeolla)
2002 The Message (MSG) (Eugene H. Peterson) paraphrase
2003 The Evidence Bible, King James Version (Ray Comfort)
2004 Holman Christian Standard Bible (HCSB)
2005 The New Cambridge Paragraph Bible with Apocrypha (David Norton)
2005 Today’s New International Version (TNIV)
2006 AV7 (New Authorized Version)
2007 Study New Testament for Lesbian,Gay’s,Bi, transgender (Ann Nyland)

If you have, or if you suspect that you have, any of the Bibles on this list, especially the last one, please bring it with you when you go to your Church this Saturday to watch the koran burning.

Would Jesus amend His Constitution?

August 16, 2010

Look very carefully to see photographic proof that Jesus inspired Our Founders and directed their pens

Serious Constitutional scholars, at least the only ones people should listen to, no longer debate the concept that the US Constitution is a living, breathing document Inspired by the Hand of God and his Son, baby Jesus.  These scholars now agree that our United States Dominion is a Christian nation because our Constitution was, if not written by God word for word, then certainly dictated by Him.  Are we a Christian Nation?  [looks cross-eyed] What a stupid question!

One doesn’t even need prayerful answers to that one.  Just look at world history in any book, even Secular Elitist world history and it will be as obvious as daylight:

At the time of our Founding, the rest of the world, Europe in particular, was sliding into the dark abyss in which it rests today, a cabal of socialist, communist-inspired governments ruled by atheist nazis and lice-infested royal families who ruthlessly taxed their subjects to redistribute their wealth to the poor, the lazy and the useless cripples of their society.  As such, it had become clear to Jesus that the Times called for a new safe haven for His people, who were being oppressed by the Shackles of Taxation.

Checking off his options by Looking towards other continents, He saw that Africa was not much different than it is today, populated by degenerate tribes of primitive negroes in the south, while roaming packs of cagey muslim thieves owned its north.  He saw Asia as a land infested with wild-eyed, incoherent nomadic mongols, whereas South America was crawling with peoples (I hesitate to call them even that, more like animals) of bizarre pagan cults who were so drug-addled from sucking on the leaves of toxic indigenous plants that they didn’t even realize they were naked all the time!  Since it was well known that Australia was no different then what it is today, a penal colony of euro-rapists, thieves, murderers and more horrifically even debt-welchers, Jesus didn’t even glance there when thinking about where to set up His Dominion.  Finally, he did not look to Antarctica, because at the time it was not clear Antarctica was even a continent.  Even to Jesus.

Thus, with essentially His only option remaining, He sought out Our Shores, its Good Christian People, and the brilliant Founding Fathers within to create a Christian Nation, His Kingdom upon His earth!

These are indisputable historical facts.

The question therefore always arises, “If Jesus wrote the Constitution, and the Constitution is His Words, and since His Words are immutable, than why in the blaze would He ever allow it to be Amended?”

Christians always get confused about this and ask, “Rev Hipple, why do we not treat the Constitution like we treat the Bible, as the Word of God, immutable, fixed for all eternity and inviolate?”

The best answer I can give to that is Jesus inspired Our Founders, and dictated certain sections of the Constitution so the Founders could write them down, but not all the words in the Constitution is the Word of God, per se.  Even though it is pretty darn close to it. So close, in fact, that Woe upon the sinner who does not consider the Constitution Sacred Text!

Still, Jesus let some of the words in the Constitution be Human Founding Father words rather than His words.  I believe the reason is that Jesus foresaw extremely serious problems and issues that our Founders could not fix at the time of our Constitutional Convention due to the political climate of the time.   This was complicated by the Fact that there was no other place in which to set up His Dominion.

Although all of the Founders were Christian, a few of them proved to be Faithless, with secular liberal tendencies and homosexual leanings.  Jesus knew what was in their Dark hearts.  Remember also, the atheistic euroenvironmentaloid culture had become extremely hostile ground for Christians, so Jesus was anxious to start up a New Dominion quickly, before it was too late, but not get blamed for it if it failed, which would tarnish His Omnipotent image.  I mean, Jesus knew even back than just how untrustworthy liberals and homos could be.  He placed His Faith and Trust in our Conservative Founding Fathers, like Thomas Jefferson, George Washington and others knowing that they would see to His plan.

Jesus, in His Infinite Wisdom, saw the early Problems of our Nation as issues that could not be solved quickly enough.  They were not so serious as to destroy us at the outset, but He also could see that they would fester and boil throughout the early history of our Dominion and potentially destroy us and His Dominion from within if there were not a mechanism to one day address these issues.

And therefore, He empowered us with the Miraculous gift of Constitutional Amendments to repair these dark and foreboding problems at a point in time when we were best prepared to do so.   There is no debate whatsoever that the most divisive problem that Our Founders left for a later day was the corrosive effects on Her people of allowing the production, distribution and consumption of alcohol and other intoxicating beverages.  But Jesus foresaw that His people would eventually muster the political will to deal with that issue, and thus we have the 18th Amendment to the Constitution which made Sacred not only His Day, but every other day, too.

Today, we have arrived at the darkest Day in our Dominion’s history since before Prohibition.  Our Great Nation is being destroyed not from within, but by an illegitimate, unconstitutional “leader” who is NOT A NATURAL US Citizen, whose main support, whose only support, comes not from the Citizens of the United States, but from millions of millions of illegal immigrants who were paid handsomely to vote fraudulently in the last election, and who operates with the financial backing of rich arab sheiks who are hell bent on world islamic hegemony.

So I ask you, at this point in history would Jesus amend His Constitution?

Is that some sort of stupid question?

Of course Jesus would amend His Constitution.  The only serious question remaining in this Darkest Moment in our History is what amendments to the Constitution would Jesus NOT amend to put an end to our Constitutional Crisis??  Trust me, the 14th Amendment is not our only problem right now.  Not by a long shot.  Jesus sees problems that need amendments to address several of our amendments including but not limited to the 1st, 4th, 5th-8th, 10, 13th-16th, 21st and 24th Amendments.

Jesus wants you to vote for Rep Tom Tancredo to be our next President so that Rep Tom will call a new Constitutional Convention to pass multiple amendments to the amendments and to get this finished with all due haste by not inviting no blame liberals.


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