Archive for the ‘Smoking is a Jeffersonian Constitutional Right’ Category

Truck stop Pizza Mogul Herman Cain’s proposed booty rules to combat Chinese hegemony

November 2, 2011

truck stop Pizza Mogul Herman Cain describing ideal booty width to height ratios in a speech on how to outbreed the chinamen

In a major foreign policy speech delivered yesterday entirely without the aid of teleprompters, truck stop Pizza Mogul Herman Cain for the first time revealed elements of his plans to deal with growing threats to the sanctity of our Dominion posed by the China menace.

Speeching before a spell-bound audience of unRacist Conservative Christian voters, truck stop Pizza Mogul said that “Anybody with common sense can understand that all we need to do to beat the Chinamen is to outgrow them.  Along with developing a greater nuclear weapon arsenal since they look to have some interest in acquiring nuclear weapons themselves.”

Truck stop Pizza Mogul Herman Cain then went on, presenting an outline of his Proposals to deal with the Chinamen threat.

The first element of the plan is to grow the economy to a level that matches the chinaman economy, from 1.5 to 6.5.  This is an obvious and not a particularly new solution, except for the fact that it seems to have completely escaped the attention of the current administration that is destroying our economy with taxes and a smothering regulatory burden, headed by the elitist Usurper Kenyan and his Keynesian Kaliphate.

The second element of the plan is more bold and audacious and involves a two pronged approach to outgrow the chinaman population.

The first approach involves an airtight ban on the murdering of little baby unborn boys and girls that now goes on in our state-sponsored Planned Parenthood abortion mills.  Nobody ever saw a rancher grow his herd by murdering all of his unborn baby boy and girl calves, so it don’t make no sense to do it to our human progenies either!?!?!  NO MORE ABORTION UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES because it is the Loving Christian thing to do, and because we are going to need all the progeny we can muster to defeat the chinaman.

The second approach is more t ambitious, but reveals the sort of completely fresh way of looking at difficult proplems that Conservative Christian voters are growing to admire about the token renegade negro.

Truck stop Pizza Mogul Herman Cain calls it his Billion Baby Booty (BBB) solution:

“Right now, there is about 1 billion more chinamen then there is US Americans.  If we stop killing 500 million unborn baby boys and girls each year while simply doubling the number of unborn baby girls and boys that we set about to make, we’ll have caught up to the chinamen.  We can do it in one year!  What I learned running truck stop pizza shops is the way you sell more pizza is to stop throwing away half the pizzas you cook, and then cook twice as many more!  Common sense!”

When asked by narrow-minded liberal MSM reporters how he would convince more women to get pregnant, truck stop Pizza Mogul Herman Cain had this to say:

“Our women, frankly, need to become more attractive to better provoke their men into the Relations Desire.  It is a scientific fact that we don’t produce enough US American babies these days because menfolk are tired after the come home from their hard jobs, and they become uninterested in sharing their seed with the womenfolk, especially if the womenfolk don’t have the Bedroom Eyes.  In part, this has to do with the scientific fact that our women folk need to be a lot more attractive for our menfolk.

My administration will derive new regulations for female attractiveness standards; things like weight, hairdo, makeup and dress standards.  For example, (holding his hands apart less then chest width) our regulations will call for a booty sizes no larger than just so, and will require women to hold special permits to have booty sizes just this big (holding his arms outstretched).  But these are not hard and fast rules (laughs), no pun intended. Although I don’t personally like mine too large, we understand that men differ in their Booty Predilections, and they will be able to obtain waiver affidavits if they prefer larger bitches, on a case-by-case basis.”

Responding to concerns about the effect of new job-killing regulations on the economy, truck stop Pizza Mogul indicated for every new job-killing regulation his administration imposes as part of the Billion Baby Booty campaign, they would roll back other regulations in compensation:

“For example, we would enact a federal ban of adultery laws on the basis of national emergency.  If we hope to catch up with the chinamen, we can’t have our menfolk who are doing their part by getting a little strange on the side to be worried that their wives back home might sue them for adultery.  Again, this is something that just makes common sense.”

Indeed, it does.

Although there is much to like about these Conservative Christian common sense solutions that truck stop Pizza Mogul Herman Cain proposes, his candidacy still poses major problems for the Dominionist Party.  Most significant among these is his Heritage Problem.

Still, WE ARE NOT RACISTS and there is nothing to stop a Rep Tom Tancredo administration from adopting some of these solutions, whether or not credit is owed to truck stop Pizza Mogul for having the idea in the first place.

Is using a teleprompter the last straw for truck stop Pizza Mogul Herman Cain?

October 31, 2011

Truck stop Pizza Mogul Herman Cain seen recently consorting with a teleprompter, raising serious questions about his commitment to Conservative Christian values

Truck stop Pizza Mogul Herman Cain, who can’t seem to shake suspicions that he is an agent for a possible extrasolar alien life form intent upon seeking galactic hegemony, is the subject of some more new and damaging revelations this morning.

One of which is so shocking, and I will get to it last, its very nature renders his continued candidacy for President of Our Dominion in serious jeopardy.

One new issue of no great concern are reports that he was previously sued by a couple of his bitches former aides for sexual harassment during his highly successful tenure as a Washington DC fast food industry lobbyist and insider.

But experts agree that this should not hurt his candidacy because of the well-known proclivity of subordinate women in the workplace, especially in sanctuary cities like the nation’s capital, to incite Male Urgings by dressing like tramps and Jezebels so they can creat false and trumped up Charges for Profit.

How to spot these women is pretty easy.  They are well known for their inability to provide acceptable relations to their men at home, and frequently come from a culture of govt entitlement dependency, making them unreliable and untrustworthy witnesses in the extreme, no matter if they win their cases or not.

In second minor issue, we here at Dominionists for Tancredo, despite hours spent in deep Prayerful Diligence seeking Guidance from Our Lord, have not yet been able to Ascertain whether it is true that truck stop Pizza Mogul has sired a White child out of wedlock, as shocking widely circulated rumors seem to indicate.  So we will not comment on those rumors here, at this time, until we get more facts and additional Prayerful Guidance from Jesus.

Additionally, Truck stop Pizza Mogul Herman Cain has also recently confused Conservative Christian Voters by first claiming, then denying he ever claimed that as President he would promote the death of  little unborn baby boys and girls under certain Politically Correct circumstances, such is in cases of rape and incest.

Presumably after a Prayerful Moment with God and his staff, truck stop Pizza Mogul Herman Cain has backtracked on this issue.  Irrespective,  he now holds a position that is perfectly coherent with Conservative Christian values, which is that God wants all of his babies to be born and has a Special Purpose for each.

For example, maybe God gives little unborn babies to rape and incest victims so that these ladies can experience the Joy of Sacred Forgiveness? Their babies need fathers in their lives, so God guides these woman to open their hearts to their attackers to create with them a stable, loving Christian home as a heterosexual  Husband and Wife.   Most pro-Abortionists simply fail to see this Wisdom.

In yet a third controversy, those of us who monitor the Conservative Christian credentials of our Candidates were recently forced to demand that truck stop Pizza Mogul retract his mistaken admonition that smoking cigarettes is not cool, after the Political Correctness Police controversy enveloped him upon release of his Award-Winning Campaign Ad.

We now know that the coolest thing in All of Creation is to be a Free American, one who enjoys ALL of our God-Given Jeffersonian Constitutional Rights and Freedoms.

We celebrate Cool American Freedoms in many ways, such as smoking as many cigarettes as we wish, wherever we wish; by carrying concealed handguns and shooting them how and when and at whom we please; by riding our motorcycles without helmets and driving our pickup trucks without seat belts; and finally, by mounting our women without condoms using whatever orifice is convenient in the moment.

It is not a flip-flop if you are tricked into saying you made a mistake by saying something you know your constituency doesn’t believe.  Conservative Christians have forgiven this transgression because truck stop Pizza Mogul Herman Cain blurted out his unfortunately misguided admonition against smoking while trapped in a diabolical act of “Gotcha Journalism” treachery committed by a well-known MSM/liberal TV personality who for decades has been suspected of taking bribes to serve as a front line propagandist for the democrat Party.

But don’t get me wrong, we are NOT defending truck stop Pizza Mogul Herman Cain.  We at Dominionists for Tancredo have made no secret of our skepticism over not only the candidacy of truck stop Pizza Mogul Herman Cain (and all other candidates other than Rep Tom Tancredo), but even over his relationship to the Human Species.   We have never trusted that negro and in all probability we never will trust him.

In my Night Time visions last night, God instructed me to ask the google this morning about truck stop Pizza Mogul Herman Cain’s use of certain visual aids during his speechifying.  What I awoke to find was more shocking and deeply disturbing than anything I have ever seen before or since.

What I found was clear and unequivocal evidence that truck stop Pizza Mogul Herman Cain speechifies with the use of teleprompters!

Of all of his problems and controversies, this one will be his undoing.  Truck stop Pizza Mogul would have a good chance of wiggling himself out of any number of controversies.  He could survive, for example, proposing to raise taxes on the job creators, to increase the budget for the EPA, to enact new regulations designed to strangle our businesses, and so on.

But it should be clear to everybody by now that what this Dominion most does not need is another 4 years of yet another Uppity politician  who cannot speak for himself and can only get by from reading the words that others have written for him.

We KNOW Barry Soeterro Hussein Obama is FAKE not only because nobody credible will stand up and claim they saw his birth, and because of his use of a teleprompter to arrogantly spout the lies of his cabal of Sorosian handlers.

These days, if you want the Conservative Christian voter to vote for someone else, the best thing you can do is use a teleprompter.


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