On the Intruder Issue: A Modest Proposal for my Expelled Brothers

Tattoed holocaust survivorAs many of you know, the Heroic Christians who have produced the Award-Winning Documentary Expelled, starring Speechwriter, Actor, Columnist Ben Stein are having an extremely difficult time screening their Inspired Movie to Christian Audiences without the prying and disruptive eyes of sneaky Atheistic Darwinists crashing the party.

Expelled lays out in horrifying and chilling detail how Christian educators–those who simply advocate keeping an open mind in science classes regarding All scientific theories of on the Origins of Life, including unimpeachable Biblically Grounded Theories — are subjected to unChristian persecution by the liberal, secular, materialist, Atheistic, Darwinist Elitists who monopolize our educational system.

The movie also scientifically proves, for the first time, that the root blame for the Nazi holocaust in Europe can be laid at the feet of Mr. Charles Darwin himself, author of the largely discredited and scientifically ambiguous theory of Evolution.  This Proof has been verified scientifically by a series of peer-reviewed interbloggers.

Inexplicably, the Expelled Movie appears to have struck a chord in the Dark Hearts of Satanists. Several Notorious Satanists have been caught and arrested for either stealing Private Invitations to see the movie from unSuspecting Christians, or obtaining these very limited Invitations under false pretenses. They accomplish all of this by resorting to unspeakable acts of Treachery and Demonic Deception.

The net result is that these uninvited and unwanted provocateurs are disrupting a Holy Theatrical Christian Presentation designed exclusively to assist Select prayerful Christians who are already on the Pathway of Righteous Salvation leading to the End Times. This movie is not designed to persuade or in anyway influence atheistic satanists, who’s Eternal souls are already lost, well down the Hellfire express lane. Therefore, no purpose is served by allowing them to attend the movie, especially if it means that a good Christian will be unseated during the limited and Extremely Popular engagement.

Furthermore, Christian Souls are placed at great risk by the mere act of unwittingly sitting in a dark theater nearby a Dark-sided soul, such as that of an Atheist, Satanist or secular Biologist. Also, there are numerous reports coming in from the field that these uninvited characters are disrupting the screenings, by yelling out catcalls during objectionable scenes, arguing with the Discussion Leader, asking stupid questions, cursing, spitting, making loud farting sounds, and worst of all, refusing to turn their cell phones off.

The Producers of the movie are going to great lengths to identify these perpetrators before entering the theater to protect Invited Christians from these sorts of disturbances. They have quietly changed locations of the theaters and even screening time, hoping to not alert the evilutionists. But the Dark-sided flim flam continues to sneak through.

I prayed to the Lord before Bedtime last night, begging for Guidance on this issue. In my subsequent night time visions, He showed me all manner of horrific images that I just couldn’t understand, try as I might. It started with scenes of mexican rape squads, streaming over our border fences unimpeded–not a single Secure Land Mine blew up to stop their flood as they poured into our Sanctuary Cities. Then I saw horrific fires, a falling snow made of greasy milk flakes, and the silent screams of corpses stacked at the edges of a forest like cord wood.

Then I saw numbers. Random numbers, one after another.

Then God awoke me and I knew what to do.

God recommends that when handing out Invitations to Christians, the producers of Expelled also tattoo an identification number onto the forearms of these guests. When such individuals show up for a screening, they simply need to roll up their sleeve to be identified, and then can go grab some refreshments before having a seat and enjoy the movie.

All of the Atheists and Satanists attempting to sneak into the movie who have obtained an invitation by Deception and Perdition, won’t have this tattoo identification and can easily be turned away by the Pinkertons. We won’t have to waste our time interrogating them, checking easily falsified identifications, or listening to their Deceit and Treachery as they attempt to trick their way into the sitting area.

In one sense, it is unfortunate that our Dominion has come to this. In the absence of the sort of Leadership that only Rep. Tom Tancredo could provide as president it has become a place where it is easy to spot a Negro, an illegal alien, and most homosexuals. But, sadly, it is darn near impossible to spot the Good Christian (Republicans) anymore, and distinguish one of them from a Dark-sided secularist.


9 Responses to “On the Intruder Issue: A Modest Proposal for my Expelled Brothers”

  1. John S. Wilkins Says:

    Fools! I will destroy you all!!!
    Ask me how.

  2. Brother Bob L. Yates, Jr. Says:

    Oh no, this will NEVER do as tattoos are acts of evil and good Christians cannot be so lured into sin:

    Leviticus 19:28 – “Ye shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor print any marks upon you: I am the LORD.”

    I would offer an alternative interpretation of your vision since surely the Lord doesn’t want good Christians to mar their perfect physical beauty with tattoos. Your line “Then I saw horrific fires, a falling snow made of greasy milk flakes, and the silent screams of corpses stacked at the edges of a forest like cord wood,” told me what we must do.

    Since the vile LIEberals only relish in the death of the innocent (like white Fetal-Americans) or American heroes (like Charlton Heston and the troops), perhaps the screenings should be held in places surrounded by the corpses of destitute darkies and Mary-worshipers: the lime pits outside of most major urban areas where the corpses of destitute human trash are dumped. That should discourage the Atheist-IslamoFascist-God-haters from attending; whereas for the faithful it will instill hope of the vengeance of the Lord to come.

    Praise Jesus!

  3. mokawi Says:

    Darwinism is indeed at the root of nazism, as well as some Nietszche (the guy who said “God is dead”—you ought to love him, Rev. Hipple!). But the most sensible influence is without a doubt that of protestantism, and especially this hairy doctrine that says that we are born with heaven or damnation as a fate. The idea of nazism is that power and all the sweet stuff that comes with it belongs to the strong, and it’s shockingly similar to thinking that your being prosperous is a sign that something good awaits for you in heaven. Such promotion of human inequality did make it harder for the party to get support in the Catholic regions, although it did manage to get support for the Pope in the end. In fact, if anything, nazis thought they were the people chosen by God to rule the earth. Funny, huh? Of all human vices, narcissism is certainly the most ridiculous.

    But back to Darwin, it’s common knowledge to those who give even the slightest of interest to the subject that evolution inspired very wicked theories. I’d say your movie didn’t manage to find audience because it didn’t state anything new—just as those movies which use evidence of mythology recycling and doctrinal self-contradiction in the Bible as a proof that Jesus is a fraud. These movies don’t move audiences.

  4. James McGrath Says:

    Dominionists proposing branding people with a number. Now there’s an ironic reversal!

    Let me offer a quote that I shared on my blog today, which I think gets it precisely right: “The ID movement is the noisiest bunch of “suppressed” people in history. If their voices are cut off, there sure is no evidence of the fact” (Henry Neufeld).

  5. Brother O'Malley Says:

    Brother Hipple,

    I am glad to see that you are still spreading the good word. Unfortunately there was no interweb access here at the Hylan County Church of Snake Handling for the past six months on account of lower than expected collections at the plate. Fortunately we have received some grant moneys from the Bush Administration for studying the effects of snake venom on senior citizens – praise the Lord!!!

    Brother, sir, can you help me. Many in the church here tell me theys are impressed with this uppity Hillary Clinton for President. They say as she was what – like the first Lady in Combat – I think she shot 20 Germans or was it Bosnians during a sniper attack, that she must be all for guns and other stuff. I like her GAS TAX HOLIDAY IDEA. I am also hoping for a hold up on the federal moonshine revenue tax – since my customers have been dwindling ever since that otherwise fine man Rush Limbaugh popularized Oxy Contin amongst my parishioners.

    What is your thought on this matter..

    Brother O’Malley

  6. starbirdcanada Says:

    Blessing Bro. Rev. Father Hipple! It would be much simpler for the Blessed Movie People of God to implant a chip under the skin of the Blessed and Holy Expelled Movie goers. Maybe the right hand, or forehead would work…

  7. Kevin at GodsDandruff.com Says:

    I am just thankful that you are standing for the truth.

  8. beckon Says:

    Beckon says : I absolutely agree with this !

  9. Tucker Says:

    This is Satire right? Anything claiming something “has been verified scientifically by a series of peer-reviewed interbloggers.” has to be satire…

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