Rep. Tancredo proposes to use Johnston Atoll as Penal Colony

Rep. Tom Tancredo is the ONLY Republican (Christian) Presidential candidate offering novel solutions to the serious problems plaguing our Dominion.

One problem we face is what to do about all of the Muslim hordes our Brave Armed Soldiers have captured and imprisoned in Iraq. It won’t be enough to simply re-educate these terrorists by teaching them how to be Better Christians. We’ll also need to do something with them once they are pacified in this way, since we won’t need to torture them in their current prisons anymore.

Shortly after Rep. Tom Tancredo becomes President, we’ll also soon have a problem with packs of wild Illegal Immigrants roaming our prisons as his campaign to arrest Illegal Immigrants begins to take shape. We’ll run out of room in our prisons for all the Crack Addicts, Prostitutes and Homosexual pedophiliac philanderers that we’ll also need to round up.


My Visions last night began with a beautiful blue and white flag, waiving in a gentle tropical breeze. Then God Appeared and told me that Rep. Tom Tancredo will solve both problems by making better use of underutilized U.S. Territorial properties. God mercifully showed me how Rep. Tom Tancredo will shortly unveil His divinely inspired plan to House these Criminals and Societal Misfits on the Johnston Atoll in the Pacific Ocean.

The Johnston Atoll was once used as a staging area for the United States of America’s nuclear weapons program, but has fallen into disuse since the Russians tricked us into banning the testing of Thermonuclear Bombs. Still, it is a beautiful tropical paradise and one that Muslims, even Christianized Muslims, and Illegal Immigrants probably don’t really deserve.


5 Responses to “Rep. Tancredo proposes to use Johnston Atoll as Penal Colony”

  1. Abdul O'Malley Says:

    Brother Hinckle, although this sounds like a well thought out plan, I certainly hope that Rep. Tancredo has verified with an appropriate panel of Christian scientists that there is no possible threat of lingering radioactivity on the atoll creating a new kind of giant mutated Mexican or Muslim? The prospect of the invading hoards of Islamo-Latinos using 30 foot tall Terror Trolls (as in the Lord of the Rings movie film) is too frightening to consider.

    Yours truly.

  2. Hipple, Rev. Paul T. Says:

    Brother O’Malley-

    All of God’s plans are well thought out, and this one is as well thought out as any other.

    If the prisoners mutate into giants as you suggest, I doubt we’ll need to be too concerned.

    Don’t forget that God has also started a natural cycle of global warming. The Johnston Atoll will be completely underwater in a few years, just in time to drown those giant mexican and muslims, and I doubt God would give them the sort of mutations they’d need to swim better.


  3. Brother WhoDat Glory Pines Ministry Says:

    Dear Rev Hipple,

    I don’t mean to spam, but I know how worried you are about illegal immigration, and this is an interesting idea of how to curb that threat

    God Bless.

  4. Abdul O'Malley Says:

    Brother Hipple,

    Kind thanks for your reassurances and my sincere apologies for misspelling your name. My eyesight is not as good as it once was and this internet is particularly hard to read since it is located in the closet where other congregants keep the snakes they use in the youth ministry.

    Again, my regards.
    Brother O’Malley

  5. Brother McGregor UK Ministry Says:

    The Joy we get when we visit you even though you support someone we do not approve of, has caused me to award you dear brother. To get your award please visit us and see in the sidebar your Award of Glory. To place it on your blog just go to widgets and choose a text and copy the script i have here.

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