The Lord Only Blesses Republicans of Faith

In my visions last night, the Lord told me, “Rev. Paul T., Prepare your Way for Good News tomorrow!”

Well, the Bible teaches us that there is only really one kind of Good News, and so all day long I thought I was a going to die and go to Heaven, and it was a fretful day to be sure. I asked Jesus the Christ for forgiveness for my 3 sins and told Him I welcomed Him into my heart just in case He forgot, and then I tried to go about my business, not really certain exactly what Instrument of Reckoning the Lord was a going to kill me with.

Finally, at Supper time I asked the Lord, “Lord, when are you a going to take me, because its been a long day and I’m so sick of being a scared that I’m ready for You to just go ahead and take me right here and now.”

And just then a thunder and lightning storm popped up, so I went outside the trailer and climbed upside the roof of our church next door, figuring, of course, that the Lord wanted me to fry in the Fires of the Heavens.

And then the storm passed and I was still alive. So I commenced to climb back down the ladder figuring I was a going to slip and fall and Break my Neck.

But that didn’t happen neither.

And then I connected here to the Interwebs, to begin some research on how well Rep Tom Tancredo was running for President of the United States today, and Lo! and Behold!

My formally misguided colleagues formerly at Baptists for Brownback 2008 have renounced Sen. Sam Brownback and are now the Republican Faith Ministries!!!

Most likely, this development is in reaction to the widespread but unconfirmed rumors that Sen. Sam’s personal fornication habits likely underlie his most recent amendments to the Federal Transportation Bill, which involved upgrading Interstate Highway rest area bathroom stalls to a larger size, presumably so they could better accomodate two grown men, or one large man and a child.

In my opinion, a great deal of credit for why the good people at B4B chose to consolidate their ministries into the Republicans of Faith and jettison the well known perverter Sen. Sam Brownback MUST be related to the formidable strength, vision, wisdom, leadership, insight and only man out there willing to take on the Lieberal demon Geraldo Rivera and, like Lou Dobbs, the fiercest possible opponent of mexican rape squads, the paradigm-driving next President of Our Dominion, Rep. Tom Tancredo!

I will pray to Our God the Father for Wisdom and Holy Guidance from this day forward. Now that Sen Sam. Brownback has lost the endorsement of a key constituent group, I expect he will resign from the campaign tomorrow at the latest, as it has no further chance of success.

That leaves only Gov. Mike Huckabee standing as the last formidable opponent of Rep Tom Tancredo, and the ultimate salvation of Our Great Dominion.

The lesson of this should be quite clear. When God your Father speaks to you and Tells you He has Good News for you, chances are it is Really, Really, Really Good News, and not that you are going to die and join Him and Jesus in Heaven.


3 Responses to “The Lord Only Blesses Republicans of Faith”

  1. Mrs. T.D. Gaines-Crockett Says:

    Dear Rev. Hipple,

    We must pray that the good Lord bless and guide us into the the elections with our eyes wide open and our hearts closed to anything which stinks of sin.

    More later, dear.

  2. Hipple, Rev. Paul T. Says:

    Mrs TDG-C

    I will agree that any candidate who might ride into office on the back of Sin perverts and abominates Our Dominion to the Core.

  3. Why God does not want Sam Brownback to become President « Baptists For Republican Faith Says:

    […] President of this United States. At this juncture we do not know if we will support Mike Huckabee, Tom Tancredo, or any of the other current Republican […]

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